Inspired by “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”
In Paul Simon’s hit song, he lists 50 ways to leave your lover.
Modern life has quietly done the same to our gut microbes.
Antibiotics. Ultra-processed foods. Sterile environments. Chronic stress.
We’ve made it harder for them to stay—and when they leave, we feel it.
Digestive issues. Fatigue. Inflammation. Even shifts in mood and behavior.
The science is now clear: your gut microbiome is not just along for the ride—it’s shaping your health at every level.
So instead of pushing these essential partners away, maybe it’s time to change the tune.
Let’s give them reasons to stay.
1. Stop being so clean, Eileen
Not all microbes are enemies.
Our modern obsession with antibacterial everything—soaps, wipes, sanitizers—has reduced exposure to the organisms that train and regulate our immune system.
Clean when needed. But don’t sterilize your world.
2. Try to be antibiotic-free, Lee
Antibiotics are lifesavers, but they carpet-bomb both good and bad bacteria. Get your doctor’s advice on whether it’s safe to delay antibiotics and allow you or your child time to overcome an infection.
If antibiotics are needed, follow them with a course of probiotics.
Antibiotics used in meat and dairy can also disrupt your gut flora and promote antibiotic-resistant strains. When possible, avoid them.
3. Eat more fiber, Viber
Prebiotics—fibers your body can’t digest—are the primary fuel for your microbes.
Beans, lentils, vegetables, oats and seeds.
These feed your gut and produce short-chain fatty acids like butyrate, which nourish the cells of your gut lining, strengthen the gut barrier, and help regulate inflammation and metabolism.
You’re feeding more than yourself.
4. Make your own Kefir, Amir
Fermented foods bring in beneficial microbes that support diversity and immune function.
Think of them as temporary visitors passing through—they don’t stay, but they interact with your resident microbes and help strengthen your gut environment.
Your gut responds by reinforcing its barrier and increasing mucus production, so when harmful bacteria arrive, your defenses are stronger.
Kefir often contains greater microbial diversity than yogurt, and homemade versions are typically more potent.
Kefir, yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut—simple, powerful tools.
5. Get in the dirt, Kurt
Soil is one of the richest sources of microbial diversity.
Time in nature reconnects you to the ecosystem your body evolved in.
Geophagia—the intentional consumption of small amounts of soil—exists across many cultures and in the animal kingdom, reflecting this deep biological relationship.
You don’t need to eat dirt—but don’t fear a little on freshly picked food from your organic, pesticide-free garden.
6. Get yourself a pet, Jeanette
Fido’s big, drooling slurp across your child’s face might be doing more good than harm.
Children raised on farms or with pets have lower rates of asthma, eczema, and allergies.
Pets, like soil, provide a rich source of microbial exposure that helps train and regulate the immune system—and may even reduce the risk of autoimmune disease.
If your pet is sick or on antibiotics, it’s wise to limit close contact.
7. Read every label, Mabel
Ultra-processed foods—especially those with emulsifiers and additives—can damage the gut microbiome and promote inflammation.
If it doesn’t look like real food, your microbes may struggle with it too.
8. Supplements aren’t necessary Jerry
The average person doesn’t need to take probiotics regularly. They’re expensive, and it’s hard to guarantee the dose and strains are still viable by the time you take them.
There are too many variables with live cultures—and not enough oversight—to rely on them as a foundation.
That said, certain strains have shown benefit in controlled settings, and probiotics can be useful in specific situations, such as after antibiotics or with C. difficile.
9. Balance your plate, Kate
It’s not about eliminating one nutrient.
It’s about patterns—high fiber, diverse plants, minimal processing.
Your diet shapes your microbiome daily.
10. Chill before you eat Pete
Digestion works best in a rest-and-digest state.
Eating while stressed or rushed reduces enzyme production and alters gut function.
Pause. Breathe. Then eat.
11. Choose organic when you can, Dan
Pesticides, antibiotics in food, and environmental toxins can influence the microbiome.
You don’t need perfection—just awareness and better choices where possible. The Environmental Working Group releases its Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen every year to help you prioritize where it matters most.
12. Don’t eat for taste, Grace
Different microbes thrive on different foods—and they send signals to your brain to crave what feeds them.
When you consistently feed certain microbes, they grow and reinforce those cravings. Shift what you feed your microbes, and over time your microbiome changes—and so do your cravings.
This shift can begin within days to weeks, though lasting change comes with consistency.
13. Start early, Shirley
Babies born vaginally get a microbial head start by being exposed to their mother’s vaginal flora. This may help explain the higher incidence of obesity, allergies, and asthma in children born via C-section.
Breastfeeding provides another major advantage. Human milk oligosaccharides (HMOs)—the third most abundant component of breast milk after fat and lactose—cannot be digested by the baby.
They are there to feed the developing gut microbiome, helping beneficial bacteria take hold early.
14. Know the limits, Fitz
Fecal microbiota transplantation (FMT)—yes, exactly what it sounds like—has been highly effective for conditions like C. difficile infection.
Its use in other conditions such as inflammatory bowel disease and metabolic disorders is being explored, but the evidence is still evolving.
Powerful—but not a shortcut around daily habits.
15. Hop on the bus, Gus
Do you notice that whether the goal is reducing heart disease, obesity, diabetes, cancer, depression—or feeding your gut microbiome—the same advice keeps coming up?
Eat more—and a wider variety of—vegetables, fruits, legumes, whole grains, and lentils.
Eat less refined carbohydrates, ultra-processed foods, and excess saturated fats.
Instead of focusing on which specific food is “best,” focus on eating foods as close as possible to how they come from nature.
Eat local. Eat seasonal. Eat real food.
Hop on the bus, Gus—build your habits on foods you can trust.
The takeaway
You don’t need 50 steps.
You need a few—done consistently.
Feed your microbes.
Expose them to the environments they evolved with.
Stop unintentionally pushing them away.
Because when your gut thrives—everything else follows.